Blinding Grasp
by SKaddicted
Summary: Yoh regrets deeply for what he had done to his brother. When he receives a dream of his brother. Everything changes and Yoh finds himself in a blind situation... literally.. HaoYoh
1. Gomen

_I officially do not like the loading system that fanfiction seems to have right now. I worked so hard to get the number of reviews and now.... they're gone... makes angry gestures _

_Well just incase some people might not know, this is the revised, new title version of "Sweet Taste of Revenge and Regrets" . I had to change the title because of the stupid loading system that fanfiction has will not let me delete the chapters and add new ones... Well on with the fic.... _

_Disclaimer: Shaman King does not belong to me... unfortunately.._

_Summary: Regret and remorse have a sickening clasp on Yoh. What happens when the object of the regrets comes back, but only causes more pain? It's not just physically... it's emotionally... eventual HaoxYoh, noncon, yaoi, others listed inside._

_Warnings: Yaoi or in other words malexmale pairing, violence in form of torture, depression, maybe NCS, gore (blood)_

_Rating: R_

_Author's Note: Once again I'm sorry for stopping in the middle of a fic to go back to revising. I really hope that you like this version better than the other. This chapter is mainly about a depressed Yoh and his thoughts... _

_Thankies to Reviewers: (the reviews that were at the last chapter of STRR)_

_Hao's Girl: Thank you SO much for your undying support!! (huggles) I was so screwed when I tried to write chapter 8 of the old version... when I went back to my plot-triangle thingy... I found out that I missed so many parts that I was supposed to have written about. A million thank you's for your long reviews, I don't know where I'd be without them! _

_Yugioh-fan88: (squeals) You don't know how you just boosted up my self-esteem!! Thank you so so much for understanding! Yes I changed my rating! I thought that I'd might be a little too much for a PG-13 fic. lol _

_dragonkatana980: Yes I'm gonna revise the whole entire thing. Even though it might be a little different... I'll be sure not to bore anyone.. well I'll try.. lol Arigatou for your support!!_

_Winged Golden Tiger: Hee hee... (snickers) I'm hoping there might be NCS too...lol I personally think that in the show, Hao looked more sexier than Yoh but I LOVED Yoh too!! heh heh.. I can't wait to see their faces too!! They'll be....... I should stop before I say any more spoilers... Thanks for your review and your great support! _

_Wingweaver22: I updated as soon as I could. Actually the moment I put the author's note up, I started on this chapter... Thanks for the constant reviews!!_

_Jhaylin_:_ Thank you for understanding! I think this version would be more understandable in a sense that it'd become HaoxYoh fic. Thankies! _

_Natalie: Well.... sry for the "inconvience".... the reason was at the top of the page. Glad you love the story though!! thanks! _

Blinding Grasp

Chapter 1:

"Manta? What do you think it'd be like to have an onii-chan?" I ask, putting fake curiosity onto my face. My question had held a hidden meaning... Something that had been in my mind for so long... since _then. _Something that I was unwilling to share with any of my closest friends _or_ family. At least, not yet.

"I don't know... I'm an only child, but I've always wanted a sibling. Even though people with brothers or sisters say that they are a pain in the neck, I don't think so. No matter what, you know that they love each other. They'd die for them. They say that they share the greatest bond ever! I would want that with someone." It was just like Manta to break down every question to a lecture.

I smiled. "Aa... having an onii-chan would be the greatest."

Manta seemed concerned, "Yoh? Are you thinking of Hao?"

"No. I was just curious." But yes. I was thinking of my onii-chan. It had been every single day since the final battle, when it had ended with the disappearance of Hao and a postponed Shaman Fight.

Manta seemed to doubt my answer, but decided to drop the subject. He knew that I didn't like to talk about the dark past. That I hated the fact that I had to "kill" someone... no it wasn't a _someone_... it was my brother. My twin. My other half.

We were both quiet after that. A slight breeze caressed us while we both lay on the grass of the Funbari Graveyard. The stars.... They're so bright... and so infinite. I could stay all day and night, counting those shining speckled dots. Hao... he loved the stars and loved to gaze at them too. Heck, he even named his team after the stars! He had thought that they were disappearing forever, only when they were just concealed by the light from the cities. I think that's one of the reason's he hates humans, the reason why he set his eyes on an all shaman world. I wonder what his other reasons are... What made him go after such a wide, complicated goal? It's so... mysterious.

A shuffle was heard and a head looking toward his watch. "No! I'm late! I'm supposed to be home by now... Gomen Yoh-kun! I'm gonna have to go! Sayonara!" Manta then raced down the steps and onto the road to his house.

I looked toward his exit. My thoughts lingered on what he had said to my question. The greatest bond ever... I wonder if I share that with Hao.

My soul had been lost once. You could say that I died or that I just simply returned to rightful place. I almost felt happiness and at ease from the harsh life of reality. But in the end, I came back. Amidamaru helped me come back to the real world, where my supposed "destiny" was to kill Hao.

_Hao_...... My memories are starting to overcome me...

**past**

"Doushite?" You had asked me after he had purposely attacked Silva and Karim. Now I know that it had been just to get me provoked. I had been so blind a that point... so angry.

"Come and get me" At that, he had made a Spirit of Fire sword. Almost identical to mine, _almost._

"Hao!" I screamed in battle-cry. I was angered to the fact that he had hurt my friends and insulted them.

"Now you're talking" Just as you wanted... Then the shaman swordfight began... You with a malicious smirk and me with eyes blinded with fury.

Even at the beginning you knew that I would lose. I was already sweating with perspiration while you had a calm, bland expression with hardly any effort to the fight. You were on offensive as I was in defensive. Now, I think about it... I never brought myself to actually attack you. All I had time to do was defend myself. But you never took the kill until the very end.

Our swords were locked against each other, "You understand, don't you? There's too much difference between our strengths. Even so, you still think it will all work out, right?" Onii-chan, you know me too well...

"You have something against that? "

"Aa. It makes me _sick_." You unlocked our swords and pushed me forward with ease.

Your sword was pointed at my face, "That's once. I wonder how many times you'll die." I hated you at that point...You were playing a game... a stupid game. A game of mock survival. I tightened my grip on Harusame, and once again started another round of fighting. And again I lost... quite pitifully.

You reminded me, "This will be the second time. Now then, how shall I send you to the other world the third time?"

"D-Do whatever you want." I spitted out defiantly.

There were so many rounds.... All that ended up me losing. But I never lost hope, never lost my will to fight longer... that is until...

I was breathing so heavily, so tired, sweat getting in my eyes. I blinked once... twice... to get my bearings straight. I knew I couldn't hold out much longer. You were standing in front of me, fresh as daylight as I was worn out from physical and furyoku usage.

I faintly heard Opacho saying that all Hao needed before he could get the Great Spirits was get his other half back... _my_ soul...

Hao said otherwise, "That's not true, Opacho. Yoh is irrelevant." That's when you actually tried to kill me or disarm me. It worked too. I was just too tired. And I was forcefully kicked on the neck to the other end of the floor. The wind was knocked out of me. It seemed like I didn't want to fight any longer. I was so exhausted, numb. I just lay there, half-conscious. I could here you're footsteps though, getting closer.

"Yoh is irrelevant. The Great Spirits are already mine. Because since Spirit of Fire devoured Shamash... I've obtained more than enough power. Yes, I no longer have any need for Yoh." You're footsteps stopped. I knew you were in front of me. But I couldn't move my limbs. I just _couldn't_ move... so... tired.

"He's just..." He painfully grabbed onto my hair, my scalp, "an eyesore."

I dumbly just stared up, my mouth hanging open. My eyes were elsewhere. Somewhere in a dream... Just elsewhere.

"When I think this kind of person is my other half...It makes me sick." I think that's when I started to come back. I was hurt emotionally by what you said.

"That's why..." Your sword disappeared. Your actions just finished the sentence. The free hand got closer and closer to my abdomen. I didn't know what you were doing until it was too late. I could feel your cool hand sliding inside me. My brain felt hot with millions of needles poking endlessly in and out. Pain... that was all I could feel. My voice was gone, my eyesight too. My 5 senses seemed to flash out slowly as your hand went deeper and deeper. I threw my head back slightly, an inaudible scream. My face contorted with mental and physical agony. When your hand found what it was digging for, you clasped onto it tightly. My heart burst, invisible tears of obvious pain dripped out. Memories seemed to fall out like a waterfall, so swift and hardly any time to catch.

Then it all stopped. Completely. I no longer felt anything. I returned to my rightful place...

I was _falling..._

_falling..._

_                                                                                                  falling..._

_deeper and deeper into Hao's soul....._

It felt so peaceful there... It was as if I slipped from the grasp of unfair reality and went to a deep, quiet slumber. I felt freedom from my mission and the world. It's kinda like what I wanted. An easygoing life... to be able to live with complete ease.... The only difference being, I wasn't really _living_...

I just kept falling. I think, at one point I reached the heart of Hao's soul, where I was supposed to reach. I heard bits and pieces of his memories of his first form....

"Is he really human like us?"

"He's a demon with a human face"

"He'll possess us!"

"Hao! Are you insane?!"

"It's not sane for a man to go up against the Imperial Court!

"I can't keep up with him."

My eyes widened at the hostile words. So...mean... so cruel... Even I felt tinge of hate and discomfort towards them. I could hear your responses repeating over and over again. You sounded so wise and all-knowing, as if nothing could compare to you.

"Why can't you believe me?"

"That is the form nature should take."

"I am correct."

"Humans are such fools"

"They don't value their existence."

You said it over... and... over again... It was like you were trying to make it stick to my head, to be forever imprinted in my head. I think it was starting to work... You bided me let go... of my emotions, my memories... I did. I slowly closed my eyes... I was _letting go_... I _forgot_...

Weirdly.... I opened my eyes again. I faintly remembered a boy and a being standing alongside each other... I couldn't place it. I just couldn't remember. Then I heard it..... a calling... "Yoh-dono!" recognition of familiarity washed over me. I heard it again and again. Getting more urgent by the second. "I ............. I..............._.who..... Amidamaru_!" I had thought and I woke up.

**present**

Afterwards we had our almost-equal fight. This time I won. But the weird thing is, I feel no happiness nor any triumph. I felt like ... half of me died... I was half empty.

_"I..... I... miss you Hao."_ I whispered, tears starting to stir in my eyes.

"I wish I could have gotten to know you more. Be like brothers. And form a strong bond with you, like Manta said..." The tears fell.

I cried. Just like so many days before. I wept for the brother _I_ had killed. The brother that I had barely gotten to know. My back felt heavy. Every day it got heavier, heavy with remorse and deep regret.

_"Gomen nasai... onii-chan"_

123123123123

**Normal POV**

Anna made her way through the streets. It was dark and Yoh had still not come home. The only light she had were the dim streetlights alongside the pavement, casting an orangey hue.

She was worried. It was written in her face. Stress and lines of worry were embedded on her small face. Yoh had done this for days. Ever since they had gotten back to Funbari from the Shaman Fight, he had become distant to her and his friends. He didn't seem to be there, it was like he was in a deep thought every single minute of the day. The once happy, grinning Yoh had gone on vacation, replaced by a fatigued, depressed Yoh. A stranger... a complete stranger.

She knew that killing Hao did not settle well with Yoh. Even though it had been Hao the murderer of many people, Yoh didn't care. He had killed a person. That's all that seemed to stick with Yoh.

She was nearing the gate to the Funbari Graveyard. Anna slowly pushed the gate open. A low creak ringed through the air. She hurried herself up the steps.

"Yoh." She called out neither loud nor quiet. This had become like a routine. Every night she'd come look for Yoh and she'd find him in the graveyard, stargazing.

Indeed she found him lying on the grass, with his usual headphones lying across his head. He had a forlorn expression, eyes skimming through the skies. She could see that he had been crying. Dried tearstains were on his cherubic face.

Anna sighed out loud, and sat next to Yoh. "Yoh...why do you do this?"

Yoh acted as if he had just acknowledged Anna's presence. "Anna! When did you get here?"

"You still haven't answered my question." She stated.

"What do mean Anna?" Yoh asked not understanding.

"You know what I mean. You always come here every night, crying yourself out. You seem to be out of this world.... You can't seem to be able to focus in the real world anymore. Where are you Yoh? What happened to my real Shaman King?" Anna whispered almost whining.

"I.......I..... don't know.." He genuinely looked as if he had no clue.

"Are you sure?"

"Aaa. I'm not sure anymore Anna. Life seems to have gotten a lot more complicated during the Shaman Fight and afterwards. I guess I'm still recovering from it." Yoh said.

She stared at his face, looking for any signs of untruthfulness. She found none.

"Really? Well alright then. Let's speed up that recovery. We're starting your training again tomorrow. Be ready." She commanded.

Yoh smiled at the fact that it'd be just like before. Before so much "events" had happened. Anna felt warmness go through her heart. It'd been such a long time since she had seen Yoh's smile. Even though it had not been his best one, it was still a smile. It was a start.

"Hai."

They both looked up at the sky after that. A quiet aura surrounded them. The stars seemed to look solemnly gaze down at them, giving the two of them comfort.....

Their eyes brightened as a _shooting star_ passed through the midnight blue sky.

_Make a wish......_

123123123123

Damnit. I'm getting out of control. Hatred.....It's dripping like venom, it's already spreading. It's starting to devour me to the last morsel. I can't think clearly.

I can't begin to think why this is happening to me. I've done nothing wrong. I'm the representative of nature. I'm always right! ........ Then why is this happening? I've never felt this much "feeling". It's pulling at my insides, twisting at my heart, my chest. I have only experienced this much pain since ... _then_.

I clutch my head as I experience a new sensation. Voices.... They're pained voices. They're screaming in my ear, asking for help that cannot be found. They are in excruciating pain, I can tell, because of their high-pitched wail. It's almost like a baby's cry when its skin is burned, only it's not just babies, it's everyone. It's too much! I can't take it!

What's the cause of this? Who? What? I'm losing.... I'm actually losing to this unknown force. I.... I...

_Can't! _I can't lose control. I will not be angered! This isn't me! I'm not like this. I'm able to surpass anything! I'm always in control! I can't help think..... Was this why Opacho ran away? Is this why he abandoned me at the peak of the final battle? That I wasn't the real Hao-sama?

I don't know what to think anymore... My mind's becoming numb. The continuous cries and the blaring emotions in my body are overwhelming me. I can't go yet.... I need to do one more thing.....one ...last.....talk.... with him.....

**Normal POV**

Hao clung onto his head, eyes closed tightly. Looking as he was trying to will something away His face was contorted with agony. Everything was silent near him, nothing could possibly be the culprit of his obvious pain. Some lone drifter would have thought he was delusional if they had passed by.

No matter how many times he denied that he was going to lose, he was lying on a thin strand. A strand already in pressure of breaking...

_It snapped......_

His eyes jerked open. Something was wrong.... His eyes..... they were.......

_Yoh........._._gomen.... _

_Author's Note:_ (_flexes finger muscles after hours of typing)_ _Well.... That's the revised 1st chapter! Tell me your thoughts! I'm also deleting all the unrevised chapters and will just be adding the revised chapters on and on. _

_It's somewhat like the original 1st chapter but anyways.... Please tell of what you thought about the Hao's POV! I need to see if I had the correct impression of Hao in this chapter.... _

_SHOWER ME WITH REVIEWS!! heh heh _


	2. Not Him

_Thank you for all your great reviews!  
_

Blinding Grasp

Chapter 2:

For once Anna was tired-- exhausted. Yoh's behavior was so tiring to both him and her. It was sad to see her once optimistic fiancée change drastically to a rather pitiful, dreary state.

She walked in front of the window, absentmindedly stirring her steaming tea. She could feel the heat spreading through her fingertips while she stared out at what was outside. It was comforting. Something that Yoh used to make her feel, though she would never admit it. Now, all she felt was frustration and annoyance.

Yes, she was at home by herself. Yoh had not come with her. After constant pleading of Yoh telling her that it was ok for her to leave first, she had done so.

She knew she shouldn't leave him alone. The more time she left him alone, the more he got engrossed in regret. It wasn't supposed to be this way. They were supposed to be in a relieved, glad sort of spirit. Glad that they had saved the world from ultimate domination. But it had turned upside down. Regret was now their reward, suffocating them to no ends….

…._creak_….

Anna heard him come in. Even after his efforts of trying to get in undetected, it couldn't get past Anna. She waited for him to come in and sob for forgiveness for coming in late, which was the usual reaction…..

He didn't come.

She looked outside with despair and disappointment in her eyes. He was gone.

The brunette was sleeping in his futon; constant sounds of shuffling cloth, as he turned every so often. One that was looking at this scene from a distance would think that he was distracted in his sleep because of the echoing growls resonated by the wind, beating itself onto the thin walls. But it was not…..

_--Dreaming State--_

_Mouth hanging open, Yoh gazed at the landscape; awed. It was a vast green field, under bright, eye-blinding sunrays. It reminded Yoh of a fairyland, so much that he almost expected to see a celestial being fly down from the sky._

_A part of the field was planted with nimble, tall grass dancing whenever the wind blew itself across the grass. The other was strong, clipped grass-- soft and plush enough to just lie down and sleep to no ends. In plain words, it was Yoh's dream that had come true. _

_A couple of feet in front of him was a gentle hill, not too steep, not too low; he couldn't see what lay on top of the slope though. Yoh walked up the hill, assessing his surroundings, still not quite able to believe in this divine place. _

_The place was so silent, occasional sounds of the light breeze whispered in his ear. That's when he noticed, it was slightly strange. There weren't any bird's chirping, any bunnies jumping up and down, any butterflies resting elegantly on the tall grass. There wasn't any "life". But the thought diminished-- replaced by just more sheer amazement and wishful thinking. He was just content with what he was seeing and he was not eager to dig into the small details…_

_He finally reached the top. It was a beautiful view. He did a complete 180 scan through the scenery. _

_Grass…_

_Grass again..._

…

_Green… too much green..._

_Surrounded by grass…_

_((gasp))_

_Yoh's breath caught, eyes widened in shock and recognition. Time seemed to have stopped completely. The wind seemed to have stopped blowing. Everything was silent…. Matching Yoh's own reaction._

… _Hao?..._

'_It couldn't be him… it just it?'_

_Yoh stared in disbelief at the lone figure sitting. He couldn't see the person's face but he knew it was Hao. The pit feeling that he always felt when around his twin had come back to haunt him._

--Normal--

Anna took a sip of her tea, her eyes closing in silent fury. She was completely exasperated with Yoh's actions. Thoughts of 'He needs to SNAP out of it! This is pitiful!!!' filled her mind. Everyone was trying their best to cheer him up. Why couldn't he let go of Hao? _Why?_

She gritted her teeth thinking of the possible solutions to the answer. Her grip on the teacup tightened, only a little bit more strength would cause the fragile object to shatter to pieces.

'It's not possible. It's not….'

It wasn't long until the cup _did_ fall into miniature pieces in front of her, but she was oblivious to it. Instead her eyes were blood red dilated with fiery rage. Her fist clenched tightly, nails digging into her palms. She would **_not_** stand for it, if it were true… She would make sure they both died a thousand painful deaths. Yoh would not betray her.

Breathing hard she stalked to the bedrooms leaving the piercing fragments lying on the floor.

For any unfortunate soul to step on.

_--Dream--_

_The object of his regret and remorse was there in front of him. Hao Asakura….. His brother; the brother that he had spent days crying over in grief, in sorrow, wretched in his own blanket of guilt. The brother that he had killed, murdered. No matter how many times his friends had tried to prove to him that he hadn't murdered him, Yoh thought otherwise._

_He had always said that killing people was not the answer to anything, even if it was for the good of all people, even if it was destiny. Instead, he had become a hypocrite. He had gone and killed Hao, his brother, his family._

_Hope lifted in Yoh's eyes. It was his window of opportunity. It was a chance for him to say that he was sorry and to repent for his mistake. The moment he'd been longing for…_

_Remarkably it seemed that Hao had not heard him, since his back was turned to him. Yoh had always thought, no known that Hao had keen senses. So why didn't he hear him? Why didn't he turn around to acknowledge his presence? From there, Yoh should have been suspicious before approaching his brother. But no, he was blinded in promising hope and joy._

_He walked closer to Hao, excitement running through his veins. A foot away and still Hao had not turned around. _

"_Hao?" Yoh called out in a questioning tone. _

_No answer…._

"_Hao?" he called again getting anxious._

…

"_Onii-chan?" Yoh's voice started to waver in despair, confusion. _

_He reached out slowly to touch Hao's shoulder- to make him turn around, to see the face that filled his mind everyday. To say, "I'm sorry". He would forgive him right? He would, wouldn't he? Doubts seemed to escalate in numbers as his hand went closer and closer to its destination. Time went slow. _

_His hand touched his brother's shoulders before he could even hesitate. Seconds seem to pass without any reaction. No reaction at all. Yoh panicked. Doubt had reached its fullest capacity. A sense of rejection slowly pooled inside him. _

'_Why isn't he turning around?' His mind screamed. _

_At that thought a violent wind gushed through the whole field. The clouds seemed to form and spread swiftly to block the sunlight. Everything was turning into an eerie darkness rapidly as a hand seized Yoh's wrist. _

_Hao had turned around._

_Yoh winced, as he could no longer feel his own fingers. His was lost, not being able to comprehend what had just happened. Yoh just stood there paralyzed mentally for what seemed eternity._

_He started to gain back his senses when he started feeling a burning, hot sensation from the grip on his wrist. Only then did he try to take notice fully of his capturer. He made eye contact with Hao's eyes almost in a pleading way. _

_**It wasn't Hao**. Yoh stared, frightened by them. They were crimson, sending out a diabolical, unnatural aura. It looked as though he was taken controlled by madness. He was even more unnerved when those eyes stared back at him with accusing yet threatening expression. An ashen face was twisted to a sinister smile. _

_Yoh didn't want to be there anymore. He wanted to be somewhere, anywhere that would not make him be occupied by this strange, devilish being that impersonated itself to his brother. Who is this "thing"? **What** is this "thing"? It was certainly not Hao. Even though it may look like him, Yoh knew it couldn't be. Hao didn't look this…. Demonic._

_He started struggling with the grip. Trying desperately to get away from this "Hao". _

_Yoh gasped suddenly in pain. The burning sensation that he had felt a few seconds ago was increasing in heat. It was actually **scorching** his skin. "Hao's" smile widened even more, as he pulled Yoh towards him._

_Yoh choked. The pain was becoming nearly unbearable for him.This couldn't be happening! Was he going to die?He was so helpless..._

_They were touching now. "Hao" turned his head and whispered softly in Yoh's ears, "Murderer."_

_Yoh's eyes widened in utter shock. He had just called him 'murderer'. Something that had been in**his** own mind over and over again. But to hear it said by another person was crushing and by a Hao look-alike no less. Tears fell down in flowing streams on Yoh's cheeks. Yes, it was correct. He was a murderer… _

_But the silence did not reign on. "Hao" had other plans as he added more strength to his grasp in punishment._

…_..Crack…_

_A deafening scream ringed through the stormy field. _

--Normal--

Yoh bolted up from his dream, gasping deeply for breath. It felt like he just woke up from the dead. So ragged and nonplussed. He could feel stinging at his wrist.

He stared frantically at it. A deep scarlet handprint lay around the slim wrist. It looked and felt like it was burnt. He started trembling in disbelief..

'The dream… it was real? What's happening?'

Everything had started all so perfectly, innocent before it turned upside down.

Yoh was caught between relief, happiness and silent terror. It was the first time he had seen Hao in his dreams and he was well, relieved. But… It hadn't been Hao fully. It was some arcane being in a form of his brother that had caused him to fill with pain and horror.

He couldn't help but worry. What if Hao was alive and possessed out of his will? What if … he needed his help? What if this was some kind of _sign_?

He still needed to apologize. He was so close to saying it. _So_ close. But he would not say it to an impersonated Hao. It would have to be his brother, his twin.

Yoh started to fall into a cold sweat from all the apprehensiveness. It felt like all of the sudden that he was in a closed face, as if he was going to suffocate.

He stood up, swaying a little with lack of balance and misted thoughts. He trudged out of the room, deciding that he should take a walk. Each of his steps were heavy with his head drooping.

It was dark outside. Pitch dark. The only light was from the numerous twinkles in the sky. The air was chilly but bearable. All in all it was a good, formidable night.

Yoh closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the air filling his nostrils and lungs. He indeed was a lot more relaxed than he had been when he was inside. But a walk was still needed.

His steps were now light, taking a trail through the woods alongside the Asakura residence. Normally it wouldn't be very logical to go into the woods any light except the stars. It was simply put, dangerous. But it seemed that Yoh was ignorant or distracted in a lot of things that night…..

**--Author's Note-- **

**First of all I'd like to say I'm really sorry for the late update. School was hectic and life seemed to call my name… (that's such a lame excuse)... **

**Anyways, the characters may seem a little OOC… which I hope I can fix in the future. XD This chapter was supposed to be a bit longer but I got lazy. LAZZZY. And I wanted to get the next chapter up as soon as possible since it had been a long time. **

**((sighs)) I seriously need to get my ass up and update sooner… **

**Review!! XD and I assure you, my update should be faster…. Even though it may be short… heh heh… ((sweatdrop))**


	3. Eyes

_Disclaimer: Everything still applies. _

_Thank you guys so much for all your great reviews. They give me so much support and makes me want to get my lazy ass up and type, type, and **type**! _

_Authors Ramble:_

_I think I'm going make Yoh a little mentally unstable…. so don't be surprised by events that come later on. He's may seem OOC, but that's because I've made it so that he's depressed. And there are some weird happenings in this chapter in which you may be confused, but everything will be explained later on._

_And I am very sorry for the VERY slow updates! _

Blinding Grasp

Chapter 3:

The night seemed to be getting colder and colder the more he walked into the pathway. But Yoh seemed like he could care less where or how long he'd been walking. He was more or less, distracted.

"_Murderer"_

The word, the voice said with such disturbing calmness yet reeking emotions of hatred. It was etched into his mind, replaying endlessly, tormenting him to no ends. His thoughts kept trailing to his dream. And oddly, Yoh didn't want to stop thinking about it. He wanted to analyze it to the smallest detail, in hopes of finding a clue of his dear brother.

But, as if Hao was taunting him, some parts of his dream were now blurry, becoming erased. A foggy, white blank occupied the beginning of his dream. Just a blur, that was what it was. All he could remember was the darkness and the angry atmosphere. Hao's pale face, his malicious smirk, his soft yet impacting voice… the unrelenting pain… It was all so clear in his mind… All except what was before. He couldn't remember what happened before, nothing. He couldn't even remember where he was at all. The more he thought, the more he lost.

Why couldn't he remember? Why? A huge wall was keeping him from recalling his painful dream. All the traces that were left behind was the fact that he just had the 'feeling' that something had happened before all … _that_…

He could see Hao's face taunting him even more, now pasted with a vengeful grin; telling him that he would never be able to remember at all, that it was _he_ that prevented it from happening. It frustrated him to no ends. His mind was screaming for an answer, remembrance, a way to escape the undying question. Why couldn't he remember? Why? Why? Why? _Why?_

His thoughts diminished suddenly as the wind mysteriously picked up, carrying a voice that he knew so well. Yoh pulled from his thoughts and for the first time looked at his bearings. Was it his imagination or did he just hear the amused chuckle of his twin. He couldn't help but shiver at the sudden coldness he felt, surprised that he never felt it until the very moment. Everything seemed to have gone still, waiting for a certain something to appear.

'It's nothing. I'm just imagining things. He's dead. You made sure of that.'

He listened carefully around him: a rustle of leaves here and there, scurrying of animal feet, flight of nocturnal birds from tree to tree. Nothing that was remotely close to what he had thought he heard.

Nevertheless, not liking the sudden change in atmosphere, Yoh pivoted around back to the direction of the Asakura residence.

"Scared, otouto?"

Yoh's eyes widened, familiarity seeping through. It couldn't be him… could it? But the voice was so alike… _so_ alike. He turned sharply, only to see a campfire with no sign of the said person. He looked at the campfire in confusion. There was no campfire a second before, he would have seen in the pitch darkness.

'Is this real? Am I seeing things?'

The fire blazed up higher to prove his doubts otherwise. Yoh could feel the heat spreading from the blaze. It felt real. He looked around the campfire for any signs of his brother, almost in despair. A part of him was still dying to be in the presence of his twin and yet the other was completely terrified by the prospect in fear that his dream would be repeated.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Yoh saw him, just a few feet to the side of him. Chocolate eyes widened as his face turned pale. Quick flashes of pain overcame his wrist, reminding him to be cautious. In instinct, he backed up from Hao. He just couldn't possibly be alive, could he?

"What's wrong? You look like you've a ghost." Hao said in mock concern.

All Yoh could do was look in disbelief. He couldn't find the words to answer his once-thought-dead twin.

"I suppose from your side, you are looking at one. But surely, you didn't think I could disappear so easily? I'm disappointed." His mirror-image said feigning hurt.

The words seeped into Yoh's mind. _Disappointmen_t? He was alive the _whole_ time? Of all those days he was mourning for him…he was somewhere, breathing air? Cold anger flowed through his veins. All those nights of endless tears and guilt for someone who undoubtedly knew that he was in such a state and enjoyed it. Yoh looked on his twin in a fierce glare. After all he did to him in those months, he had to the nerve to be disappointed?

But could he expect any better? … He's Hao.

Before Yoh could say retort anything to his brother, he disappeared. He blinked. 'He was just there!'

"Come sit with me, Yoh." Hao appeared sitting on a log beside the campfire. Yoh looked back and forth from the place his twin was just at and where he was now. 'Am I going crazy?'

Hao repeated his request smirking maliciously, "Come. I won't bite. I promise."

The short-haired boy snapped, "Promises from someone like you mean nothing to me."

"Someone like me? What exactly am I? One would say that twins share a connection and similar characteristics."

Anger was fueling him. They were _nothing_ alike! "I'm _not_ a cold-blooded--"

"Murderer?" Hao finished. His face darkened as he said, "Dear brother, as I recall you were the one who killed me, or at least tried."

"That's not true! I wouldn't have if there was another way. You killed without any second thoughts. The clan--"

"Made a duty for you to do. And what was the duty?" Hao asked in a light voice.

Yoh's head drooped, looking at the ground in despair. The rage was quieted, no longer the great fire it was. There was no other answer to give but the truth. He couldn't say it. He stuttered the words not coming out.

Hao impatient, voice demanding, "What was _it!_"

Yoh jumped from the loud voice. There was no way around this. Guilt washed over him. He _was_ the same wasn't he? A single tear fell down his cheek and landed on the ground. His voice wavered as he whispered, "To kill you."

Hao didn't even flinch from the words. He didn't even care for the tear that fell to the ground. He knew the answer from the beginning. All he wanted was Yoh to admit it. It was more manipulating that way.

"And my duty was to create a perfect world, to cleanse it. For nature and life. You had your duty and I had mine. Who was the one that supposedly carried it out?" He left hanging.

Yoh was gripping for anything, just anything to say in his defense. He lifted his face and looked at his brother, wanting a clear answer. "Then if you were alive, why didn't you ever come till now?"

"You think it was easy to get here?" Hao said venomously. His emotions took a dark turn. Accusing eyes burning brightly with intensity stared back. Yoh felt himself almost cower from the gaze. "You think I was somewhere happy in heart's content, free of any pain? You think--" He stopped himself and closed his eyes, obviously trying to control his emotions.

Yoh was in shock. It wasn't normal for Hao to express his feelings so openly. He looked almost vulnerable like a lost child. "Hao--" Yoh paused. Yoh honestly didn't know what to say.

Was he supposed comfort his brother? Should he hug him? Say sorry? Go down in hands and knees and beg for forgiveness? Forgiveness…That was what he'd wanted from the beginning, to get wash away the guilt that was eating him away. But now, surprisingly he didn't know what he wanted anymore. Yoh was struck dumb, the moment Hao told him he was alive the whole time and to add on, the sudden change in Hao's inability to lose control of his emotions for a split second.

Before Yoh could fully decide on his decision of what to say to his brother, Hao had already responded. His older brother seemingly having his emotions in check, opened his eyes, staring at Yoh with a different glint in his eyes.

"Your chocolate eyes… they're so beautiful, innocent." Hao whispered as he tilted his face looking almost predatory.

Yoh felt a shiver crawl up his spine. His instincts told him to run, run far away from the possible danger. But his feet seemed to refuse his desire to escape.

Hao stared on, eyes fixed solely on his twin.

Yoh was scared, almost to the point where he couldn't think straight. Cold sweat formed on his forehead. Each second seemed to lengthen into an hour.

Suddenly, Hao broke into a smile.

That last thing Yoh saw was red glinted eyes and a burning fire. Then darkness.

_TBC_


End file.
